Gooftees | Funny One Liner and Short Jokes.

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Uh Oh! That wasn't a Marlboro!

Someone dumped viagra in the water softner because our water has been hard for days!

I saw a Blue Moon tonight! Yeah this smurf pulled out in front of me and the driver flicked me off and the passenger mooned me! Gargemel is gonna be so pissed when I tell him!

Looks like I picked the wrong year to quit sniffing glue!

Remember kids... DON'T DO DRUGS!....................without me.

So these three guys walk into a bar... I forgot the joke, but your mother's whore!

I would like to buy you a nice hot cup of shut the f@$% up!

The Smaller Your Penis the bigger and Louder Your Truck!

Looking like a fool with his genitals draggin on the ground. What? That isn't how it goes? MY BAD. Wish someone would have told me before I executed this.

Easy on the Eyes, Hard On The Heart. hahahahahahaha Hard On!

Alkohall, it r not maik me dummer, Obveuslee!

Britches before hose. Seriously, I wear pants, not pantyhose.

Take me drunk, I'm home.

No my pants just got shorter because I hated the idea.

I can tell you how to get, how to get to Sexwithme Street, how to get to Sexwithme Street.

Why is it when your girlfriend gets pregnant, they rub her belly and says congrats and no one rubs your dick and says good job?

It's hug a retard day, so settle down, no ones trying to steal your helmet!

My dearest friend: please go straight to hell do not pass go, do not collect $200. Love me.

This pie is going straight to my penis. Great, just what I need, a great big fat penis.

The angle of my dangle is equivelant to the heat of my meat.

I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO BITCH MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

Boobs on the etch-a-sketch always come out square! - Family Guy

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The cop approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bitch in my car?"

If you won't fuck me, can I fuck you?

It's hard to kiss the lips that chew my ass all day!

My ex ran away with my best friend, I sure do miss him!

I miss my ex, but my aim's getting better!

I ran into my ex the other day and it was great! But it dented the hell out of my car.

I told my ex that I couldn't get over her, becasue she wouldn't get out from under me.

What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis? His body.

Husband: "Want a quickie?" Wife: "As opposed to what?"

Found the pot at the end of the rainbow. Too bad the leprechaun already smoked it.

If Richard Simmons released a work-out video with todays current music, would it be called Sweatin' to the Newdies?

90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house. The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

oh man, I think I just googled myself.

Men are like parking spots... all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Men are like snowstorms.... you don't know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last!

Single women complain that all good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.
This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

Makeup sex is almost worth fighting for, but not quite!

I'm married so I can have sex anytime... my spouse wants.

Liter is french for give me some fucking cola!

Team RAMROD, I wrote it on the paper!

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Emerson. Emerson who? Emerson nice tits bitch!

LOVE: Leaving Other Vagina's Empty.

You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

I can't get over you, so why don't you get under me?

If love is a gas station, I got the self service pump.

My girl ran off with my best friend. Now that my girl's gone, my dog's the only dumb bitch I got!

I miss my ex so much, it's almost as bad as having her around.

A bull can have sex 3000 times a year. But does he fuck the same cow?

You're awesome! You should go outside and play... hide and go fuck yourself!

I hate every bone in your body, except mine.

Always a groomsman, never a groom. The groom's usually on his honeymoon and won't have sex with me.

Get a new car for your loved one - it'll be a great trade!

I'll never forget what my grandpa told me..... hmmm give me a minute, I'll think of it. hehe
When I was young... we used to have to walk 5 miles just to get a condom. Through 5 feet of snow, up hill both ways, wolves nipping at our feet, no shoes or socks, and in the dark without a flashlight. And we did all of this with a boner. hahahaha i don't care who you are that's funny right there.

I molested myself last night. I said no stop, but I just wouldn't listen.

A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. the woman replied, snorting pepper.

Calling in healthy today.

Condoms, the lifeguards of the gene pool.

Get a new car for your loved one - it'll be a great trade!

My girl always laughs during sex... no matter what show she is watching.

Instead of marriage, I'm gonna just hire a hooker to bitch at me and take half my shit. Hey at least I'd get laid.

Now I lay Me Down To Count Some Sheep, I Pray the Lord that I Dream About Boobies In My Sleep. Spanks a lot God. I mean Amen.

needs a fat sack! It's not what you think though. I want one full of money! Then I can buy weed with it.

My girlfriends boyfriend is a loser. Oh wait. OUCH

Yay, it's HUMP DAY! Oh and look it's Wednesday too!

Walk fast and look worried, that's how you work hard.

Love is just like porn, minus all the stuff that makes porn cool.

Are the inventors of the rape whistle hoping to decline the rate of rape or increase it. Because if it declines, so will their sales!!!

I am heading back outside to get more baked. I wish the sun was out today.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got him fired. Stupid blue kids.

Coke and pepsi - penises and vagina's... despite the differences your mom thinks they taste the same.

I think my hair is getting sucked down through my scull and coming out in other areas of my body. It's a MIRACLE! Or gross depending upon how you look at it.

Nick nack, Patti wacked and gave my dog a boner.

For better or for worse? Choose better, duh.

I think I have Elephantiasis of the wang!

Thanks Dad's for knocking up our mommy's! They wouldn't be Mom's without ya!

Dear Friday, I wuv you sooo much and I wood totally do you if you were a chick and not just a day. I wuv you sooo much in fact that I wood totally be willing to swap positions whenever you want... you know, I do the dishes and you watch the game kinda thing. Spank you Friday for being GREAT! P.S. bomchickawowow ♥

If you haven't spoken to your wife or girlfriend in years you should be commended. Cuz it is very polite that you didn't interrupt her.

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

If you don't have anything nice to say, sit next to me.

I feel great and I don't kiss bad either!

She was so fat, she had more chins than a Chinese phone book.

I believe in the "Golden Rule" - Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. But DAMN I ain't giving no BJ's.

I'm so horny, even the crack of dawn isn't safe.

As happy as a pig in shit!

Fighting on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded.

You've got more lip than a cow's got cunt.

Does anyone else's junk hit the toilet water. SUCKS!

Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off. AWESOME! Tequila Makes My Dingy Fall Down. NOT AWESOME!

I'd wear my heart on my sleeve, but then where would I put my genitals?

When it's raining and it's storming the beer in the fridge needs pouring.

I FIGURED OUT THE ANSWER TO A QUESTION THAT HAS PLAGUED MANKIND FOR CENTURIES: There simply isn't enough blood to run a man's brain and a man's penis at the same time!

I want to dry hump life because it is fabulous right now.

iTampon...there's and applicator for that.

Originals

I saw a Blue Moon tonight! Yeah this smurf pulled out in front of me and the driver flicked me off and the passenger mooned me! Gargemel is gonna be so pissed when I tell him!

Dear John, (aka Alcohol) I love you but wish you were nicer to my kidneys and liver. They are very important to me and I think if you gave them a chance you would like them too. I think you should make an effort to change your ways and be much friendlier to my body. Why can't we all just get along???

Sincerely,

P.S. You make everything purdy and I like that about you.

Mary Catherine Gallagher everyone! Oh I mean Mary had a little... doh! that's not it either. Merry Birfday Jebus? Yeah that'll do, that'll do.

Looks like I picked the wrong year to quit sniffing glue!

Ghost Humpers? Invisible porn? Oh Ghost Hunters! My bad.

The Smaller Your Penis the bigger and Louder Your Truck!

To resolve the Toilet seat issue, girls need to simply learn to pee standing up. Besides everyone knows girls don't poop anyway... so leave the toilet seat up!… The logic of gravity says that is far easier to simply push the seat down prior to having to "sit" than it is for us men to lean all the way down just to stand up again causing a blood rush to the brain, thus causing us to aim poorly and sometimes miss the target! Plus for some of us, we don't appreciate having to sit to go pee for fear of our junk hitting the unpleasant toilet water! No spank you!

Hey old man winter! F@#$ You!

Old Man Winter and Mother Nature need to get a divorce. When they get together, it is not a fun time!

Playing air Drums… Just goes to show you like to play with yourself. I MEAN BY YOURSELF!!!

Remember kids... DON'T DO DRUGS!....................without me.

Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in sports, but not in any other situation? That was awkwark to say the least!

Some say I are stupid. I says I'll never get chaseded by brain eating zombies. SCORE!!!

Are English muffins just called muffins in England? Just like good china... just call them our plates?

So these three guys walk into a bar... I forgot the joke, but your mother's whore!

I'm just a Fruitloop in a bowl of Cheerios. And he doesn't know if that's a good thing or not.

If I kept a dead guy in my car… could I drive in the carpool lane?

Facebook is so fun for a creative wacko like me. I don't get censored every three seconds like I do in public places... "Sir put your pants back on", "Sir, you can't smoke that in here", "EXCUSE ME, I didn't ask to see that!", "You can't call the President a Pig F*&%$#!", "Sir, I don't think that lady wants to sh...ow her boobies!", "Oh god! Stop peeing on that!", blah blah, censor censor

B-E-E-R we're getting hammered at the bar say BEER, WHAT WHAT - say BEER, HOOOOO B-R-A---N-D-Y damn this shit tastes like candy say BRANDY, WHAT WHAT - say BRANDY, HOOOOO C-R-A-C-K who else is high as fuck besides me say CRACK, WHAT WHAT - say CRACK, HOOOOO

Alkohall, it r not maik me dummer, Obveuslee!

Britches before hose. Seriously, I wear pants, not pantyhose.

Why do they make snacks for kids artificially flavored to taste like fruit? If you're gonna artificially flavor something, why not make it taste like chocolate, then the little buggers will like to eat it.

"Cum explore Davewood, a land of ENORMOUS opportunity".

I can tell you how to get, how to get to Sexwithme Street, how to get to Sexwithme Street.

I am thinking on starting a new religion (or cult). It would be the called: "Hump Day of the Lord". But there would be many holidays that would allow humping on hump day and a reverse Lent that would require you to perform some form of humping on Wednesdays for several weeks out of the year. The slogan will be... nan...anananananannanana HUMP DAY! - Don't ask.

Old Man Winter and Mother Nature need to get a divorce. When they get together, it is not a fun time!

If you are what you eat… that ain't good.

this pie is going straight to my penis. Great, just what I need, a great big fat penis.

I wish I was one of the Mario Brothers right now. Then I could eat shrooms and collect coins all day long. That wood be fantrabulous!!!

Oh Friday, how I've missed thee, tiz almost time for a drink cuz I am so freakin thirsty. Weekends don't pay as well as weekdays but at least there's football.

If I were a transformer, I would be known as Optimus Procrasterbator.

Bail Bondsman I really did it this time - I shot that pig in the behind - I ran and hid at the Good Time Inn - I locked the door but he kicked it in - I wasn't scared of his skills - Cuz I was high on some pills - He drug my ass into the street...

Who plays with a pink guy under the sea? Sponge Bob No Pants! Who has barnacles on his dingy? Sponge Bob No Pants! If rotten fish r something you wish, Sponge Bob No Pants! If you think crabs are a delectable dish, Sponge Bob No Pants! Sponge Bob No Pants! Sponge Bob No Pants! Sponge Boob No Pants!!!!!

I am getting in shape. Unfortunately that shape is round... off to work out again. Still sore from the runs yesterday. Oh I mean my running yesterday. :O

testicle difficulties

Always free delivery of my package!

I am busier than an Amsterdam hooker on a f#$% for free Friday! But that's good! I think.

She's the bitch that I'm drowning slowly... off the coast and I'm heading out of town!

Balls DEEP!

stoopid garage sales never have garages for sale?

If Richard Simmons released a work-out video with todays current music, would it be called Sweatin' to the Newdies?

CO-ED NAKED TOGA YOGA!

E.T. phoned homo?

I think my Chimney's clogged.

oh man, I think I just googled myself.

Returning from prison, Michael Vick is now automatically a WIDE receiver.

If I bought and used all the penis enlargement drugs I get emailed my penis would have to go through rehab to get off the junk. if it didn't O.D. first.

My girl ran off with my best friend. Now that my girl's gone, my dog's the only dumb bitch I got!

LOVE: Leaving Other Vagina's Empty.

I'm married so I can have sex anytime... my spouse wants.

Makeup sex is almost worth fighting for, but not quite!

You're awesome! You should go outside and play... hide and go fuck yourself!

JOB APPLICATION: Position Applying For: Doggy Style; Name: Jack Meoff; Date: Sure, a movie sounds good; Sex: Yes Please!; Address: No I usually wear pants; D.O.B.: Down on bottom is fine

I'm way too horny to be in public right now.

I molested myself last night. I said no stop, but I just wouldn't listen.

Condoms, the lifeguards of the gene pool.

Now I lay Me Down To Count Some Sheep, I Pray the Lord that I Dream About Boobies In My Sleep. Spanks a lot God. I mean Amen.

needs a fat sack! It's not what you think though. I want one full of money! Then I can buy weed with it.

My girlfriends boyfriend is a loser. Oh wait. OUCH

That party last night was awfully hazy, I wish we taped it. I laughed my ass off and had this one guy almost pee on me.

Doesn't everyone wanna graduate Mega-cum-loudly?

Yay, it's HUMP DAY! Oh and look it's Wednesday too!

Enough Michael Jackson already. Don't get me wrong, he was the best crotch groping, genital abusing artist ever, but just sick of hearing about how great he was. So I figure if I grope myself, get a new nose molded on my face, rack up $400 million in debt and rape little kids, I will be cherished and honored as well. Better get started... so I need a song like ABC. Hmmm maybe FU2 :P

Me thinks that most people are alive simply because I really don't want to end up in Federal Pound Me In The Ass Prison. Me thinks that they should call a prison that as a reminder. I mean Alcatraz was a cool name too, but not quite as influential.

I totally pitched a tent this morning. In my sleep!!! Camping? What's camping?

I am heading back outside to get more baked. I wish the sun was out today.

I was unaware that Saturday still had an 8:00 am! I am not impressed. I've had better.

Todays forecast. Partly sleepy with a good case of napitation.

I think my hair is getting sucked down through my scull and coming out in other areas of my body. It's a MIRACLE! Or gross depending upon how you look at it.

I took a chapter out of the Morning Wood Academy handbook this morning.

Nick nack, Patti wacked and gave my dog a boner.

I am gonna get plowed tonight. Nope, not the prison kind this time, the booze kind.

My momma don't dance and Daddy don't Rock n' roll! I'm OK with that.

Park & Ride... very misleading

My other penis is a penis.

Cows aren't racist cuz it doesn't matter if you're black & white!

I might be growing old, but me thinks I ain't growing up!

I think I have Elephantiasis of the wang!

Thanks Dad's for knocking up our mommy's! They wouldn't be Mom's without ya!

I'm sick of Oprah Windbag, Tyra Skanks and definitely had my fill of Dr. Phil, but am way more bothered by T. Pain and Akon who seem to be in every f'cking song on the crapio these days. Where are the assassins when we need em?

I need a Donkey for my Farm so I ain't the only ass on the farm!

I am in Heaven!!!! You know if it were run by Hitler.

I am waiting for someone to send me a "WEED" plant for my lil green patch dammit. I got enough stupid lil girly named plants.

So we have Manic Monday, Too Long Tuesday, Hump Day, Thirsty Thursday, and... hmmm High Day Friday? That'll do pig, that'll do.

I think loading a dishwasher means getting my wife drunk.

When the beer floweth like the mighty Mississippi, the headache striketh like a giant boulder.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. - Fuckin Right I'm Drinkin And Yelling!

I believe in the "Golden Rule" - Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. But DAMN I ain't giving no BJ's.

I would like to think that Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley are having a dance off right about now. I bet they both get to be Chippendales this time.

Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off. AWESOME! Tequila Makes My Dingy Fall Down. NOT AWESOME!

Your Sex Is On Fire. If that's true, you may wanna get the checked out. Good song though.

I'd wear my heart on my sleeve, but then where would I put my genitals?

I got caught in the rain like the Revis song, but realized that Rupert Holmes is stupid. I'm OK with Pina Coladas, but getting caught in the rain wasn't that enjoyable.

I am thinking about releasing a country Album, "I returned drunk from playing redneck horseshoes and hunting all day when I decided to kiss my sweetie with my fist after she ran my drunk, three legged dog over with her truck shortly after she got out of prison and burned down my momma's house."

Wise Words

Go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with stinky finger.

Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about! - Simpsons - The moral of the story is eat meat.

Don't eat anything that gets up and walks away!

It wouldn't be any worse to be called retarded than mentally challenged. Don't they mean the same thing? Who determines what words are used to offend? Most slang is b.s. anyway. Call me whatcha like... cracker, honkey, white slice, white bread, whitey, doofus, etc etc. Even like shit, crap, poop... why is shit worse???? Same thing!

Narrow minds should be accompanied by closed mouths.

If you are what you eat… that ain't good.

I may not be undressing you with my yes, I might be Adding clothes.

If you were created by God, that just proves even God Makes mistakes.

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes its better to leave them broken than to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Get a new car for your loved one - it'll be a great trade!

You can't shoot pool with a rope.

What doesn't kill you still hurts like hell.

Irony: most nudists are people you don't want to see naked.

Teach a man to fish, keep him busy and out of your hair for a whole weekend!

Before you give a colleague a piece of your mind, be sure you can spare a piece.

For better or for worse? Choose better, duh.

Don't whiz on the electric fence.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Don't let friends hook up with gingers.

Classics

A message from Santa: "I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. ... I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus." NOTE: you may want to lock your doors and bar up your chimney!

Merry Christmas, Shitters Full! - National Lampoons

He didn't ask her permission He's wearing her clothes, silk pantyhose Walking 'round in women's underwear. In the store, there's a teddy Little straps like spaghetti They hold him so tight, like handcuffs all night Walking 'round in women's underwear. - Bob Rivers

Off to Jury Duty. BLAH! - Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30pm Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Looking back over the years that we've been friends, I can't help but wonder... What the hell was I thinking or drinking?

I feel great and I don't kiss bad either.

Our family tree has a bunch of nuts. You idiot, inbreeders Trees don't fork!

You know what I always say... if you have nothing nice to say... sit by me.

Take me drunk, I'm home.

No my pants just got shorter because I hated the idea.

A designer tried to develop a bra that stops women's boobs from bouncing up and down when running and doesn't show nipples when wet. Don't worry, we killed that homo!

Acting single, drinking doubles and seeing triples.

It's hug a retard day, so settle down, no ones trying to steal your helmet!

If I'm a bitch, you're probably the reason.

My dearest friend: please go straight to hell do not pass go, do not collect $200. Love me.

When I was your age, we had to blow on the video games to make them work.

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

A man suspected his wife was seeing
another man, so he hired the famous
Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and
report any activities while he was gone.

A few days later, he received this report:

MOST HONORABLE SIR:

YOU LEAVE HOUSE
I WATCH HOUSE
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE.
I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE.

NO FEE,
CHEN LEE.

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

Boobs on the etch-a-sketch always come out square! - Family Guy

Merry Birthday. I guess you're one year older and your life still isn't over. You haven't accomplished much, but you didn't die this year, I guess that's good enough!

How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.

My First Time: I didn't know how but I tried my best to place my hand on her breast. I remember my fear my fast beating heart, but slowly she spread her legs apart and when she did I felt no shame as all at once the white stuff came. At last it was finished and it's all over now, my first time...milking a cow.

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.

How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

Two doctors and an HMO manager die. First doc, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children." St. Peter lets him enter. The next doc, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." St. Peter lets him in. The HMO, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care." St. Peter replies, "you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell."

SEX is like math: add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply!

It's hard to kiss the lips that chew my ass all day!

My ex ran away with my best friend, I sure do miss him!

I miss my ex, but my aim's getting better!

I ran into my ex the other day and it was great! But it dented the hell out of my car.

I told my ex that I couldn't get over her, becasue she wouldn't get out from under me.

Always a groomsman, never a groom. The groom's usually on his honeymoon and won't have sex with me.

My favorite beer is... a FULL one!

Beer: Itt no maik me dummer!

Yeah, I work out. Tonight I'm doing twelve ounce curls!

I'm gonna be drunk until the next time I'm drunk.

Get a new car for your loved one - it'll be a great trade!

Country Music played backwards: your mom gets out of jail, it stops raining, the train pulls into the station, your dog is still alive, and your truck starts working again.

PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals

Man last nite was rough... I got home at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2.

Corn: put some fun in your poo!

"I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won’t know why."

A good friend will bail you out of jail... a true friend will be sitting next to you saying damn, we fucked up!

Save water, drink booze.

"Darling" says a husband to his wife: "let's swap positions tonight". "What a good idea" she replies, "you stand in front of the ironing board, and I'll sit in front of the TV and fart".

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been.

A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. the woman replied, snorting pepper.

What's the mating call of the redhead? "Next!"

What's the speed limit of sex?
68; at 69 you have to turn around.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people get married more than once?

Alice, who the fuck is Alice?

Get a new car for your loved one - it'll be a great trade!

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Walk fast and look worried, that's how you work hard.

if blondes have more fun, do they really know it?

I was walking through the woods alone and a tree fell right in front of me! I didn't hear it.

The good thing about mornings is sleeping through them.

Todays forecast. Partly sleepy with a good case of napitation.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got him fired. Stupid blue kids.

I wonder how well that person could drive if I shoved that cell phone up their ass? It couldn't hurt to try. Well it might hurt them, but that's good.

What doesn't kill me still hurts like hell.

Irony: most nudists are people you don't want to see naked.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. Makes sense to me.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

If you haven't spoken to your wife or girlfriend in years you should be commended. Cuz it is very polite that you didn't interrupt her.

He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

Don’t you piss on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!

That was faster than green grass through a goose.

If I had a face like yours, I'd shave my ass and walk backwards.

Ahhhh yes, fireworks on the forth. Let's celebrate our nations Independence by blowing up a small chunk of it!

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here.

We have been friends for a very long time…let's say we stop?

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas.

I am sweating like a whore in Church

He who stands on toilet is high on pot.

I'm off like a whore's drawers on a sailor's payday.

I'm working like a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest

That's like putting 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag

Happier than a puppy w/ 2 peeters

If a bullfrog had wings - he wouldn't bang his balls on the pavement!

LIfe's a shit sandwich, and every day's another bite.

As gay as pink ink

I got caught in the rain like the Revis song, but realized that Rupert Holmes is stupid. I'm OK with Pina Coladas, but getting caught in the rain wasn't that enjoyable.

I FIGURED OUT THE ANSWER TO A QUESTION THAT HAS PLAGUED MANKIND FOR CENTURIES: There simply isn't enough blood to run a man's brain and a man's penis at the same time!

My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry!

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

Filthy

Dear Penis, I don't think I like anymore, You used to watch me shave, Now all u do is stare at the floor. Oh dear Penis, I don't like you anymore. It used to be u and me, A paper towel, and a dirty magazine, That's all we needed to get by. Now it seems things have changed, I think that your the one to blame. Dear Penis, I don't like u anymore. - Rodney Carrington

I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

It's a good idea to brush up on your Spanish.... Boner Retardes and Hasta Mi Vagina. I think that's right.

Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.

Mickey goes to the judge after speaking to him before about getting a divorce with Minney. The judge says "I'm sorry Mickey but I couldn't find grounds for divorce for being insane. Mickey looks stunned and says "I didn't say she was insane I said she was fucing Goofy.

Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

On a cold, cold night two bulls are standing in a field. One says "Boy it's mighty cold out here!", the other says "Yes, I think I might slip into a nice Jersey".

"If you have a vagina... it smells terrible. If not, i am really sorry!"

There was a rich guy and a poor guy, the poor guy asks the rich guy "so what did you get your wife for her birthday?" the rich guy replies "a ferrari and a mercedes, so when she wants to feel rich she can drive the ferrari and when she wants to feel important she can drive the mercedes. What did you get your wife" the poor guy replies " I got her a pair of moccasins and a vibrator" the rich guys asks "why" the poor guy says "If she doesn't like the moccasins she can go fuck herself".

I'm going to fuck myself until I'm unconscious. Want to help?

I am participating in the Sexual Olympics multiple orgasm relay race my partner just died of exhaustion. Would you like to help me out?

What's slimy cold long and smells like pork
Kermit the frogs finger

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic = using a feather
Kinky = using the whole chicken

Why are men like cars?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.

A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm. He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.

What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!

A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock.
A lady asks "What are you dressed as?"
He says a fireman!
You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can.

Something's Wrong with my Dick

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you." he said. "We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your 'ear' or whatever."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and reentered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my 'ear'," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't piss out of it." the man replied.

What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis? His body.

Husband: "I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it." Wife: "You wear briefs, don't you?"

Husband: "Want a quickie?" Wife: "As opposed to what?"

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One ... men will screw anything.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky , and West Virginia )

Returning from prison, Michael Vick is now automatically a WIDE receiver.

I wish women were like holes in the road, I'd be a dump truck and dump in my load.

I wish men were like pipes in the yard, after I drained them they'd still remain hard.

I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.

What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.

Instead of marriage, I'm gonna just hire a hooker to bitch at me and take half my shit. Hey at least I'd get laid.

That party last night was awfully hazy, I wish we taped it. I laughed my ass off and had this one guy almost pee on me.

Doesn't everyone wanna graduate Mega-cum-loudly?

Mike Rotch had a Hue G. Rection. Minnie Beaver took Oliver Closeoff and decided to Ben Dover. But Dick Hurts and Barb Dwyer cuts and some Howie Blewitt because he's a Joe Kerr and told his Hue Jass joke. I. P. Daily found a Lou Pole and decided to Lisa Carr to take to the bathroom. With Marty Graw right around the corner Amanda Humpindump was no where to be found. But now Pat McGroin is sick of Mike Rapp.

The real cause of Michael Jackson's death has just been released... it turns out he got food poisoning. He ate a 3 year old wiener.

Nick nack, Patti wacked and gave my dog a boner.

He has a sketer on his peter, wack it off.

Teacher - Ok Johnny what part of the body do you think is closer to God??
Johnny - your feet
Teacher - Why your feet?
Johnny - because last night my mom had her feet in the air and she was yelling "Oh God - Oh God I'm coming!!"

"If I gave you $1,500 minus 3%, how much would you take off?
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."

How about we spice things up in the bedroom, I was thinking a Dildo. How about we use my Dick!

I don't want a Vasectomy if nothing comes out at the end. I don't want my penis to look like it has the dry heaves!

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side, it's really good pay!

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

I'm so horny, even the crack of dawn isn't safe.

You've got more lip than a cow's got cunt.

Let's make like some titties and bounce.

I fucking love Jebus!

I want to swipe it in your butt.

iMaxiPad, there's an Applicator for that.

Good Question?

If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down? Same with the cradle will fall! Who thought of that nightmarish song for babies.

Why are the numbers on a calculator and a keyboard reversed? I thought I accidentally smoked my breakfast again! Cheese and Rice!

Why do people ask 'did you see that?' when you're watching a movie? No Loser, I paid $12 to come here to stare at the damn floor.

Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in sports, but not in any other situation? That was awkwark to say the least!

Are English muffins just called muffins in England? Just like good china... just call them our plates?

If I kept a dead guy in my car… could I drive in the carpool lane?

Are children who act in "R" rated movies allowed to watch them?

If you & I woke up in jail together...using only FOUR words...what would you say to me?:
You Missed the TOILET!!!
We cant stop here!
Not this place again.
My ass is sore.
That's not my finger.
It's just morning wood.
You're not my mommy.
Michael Jackson did it.
Where's the Squirrel Master?
OH SHIT, NASTY NATE!
I lost my underwear.
I have to pee.
Kicking babies is illegal?
Shroom's aren't that fun.
whats on your pants?
worth every STD gained
Drugs are bad mmmmmk.
Hooking is illegal here!
Did we have sex?
Oops, totally my bad.
Dude, that was sweet!
F*** you damn pigs!
Dude, where's your car?
I got a tattoo!
Face down ass up.
Running's not my thing!
Man, diarrhea sucks ass.
Only showed it once.
That Midget was mean!
Where is my toof?
That stupid girl scout.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people get married more than once?

Why do they call it chili? Ironical me thinks.

Why do you sit in front of the TV but behind your computer??? Weird

If you strapped a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it... what would happen?

Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts? And why the hell was Charlie Brown called peanuts? Why are peanuts called peanuts?... sounds kinda gross to me.

Does anyone else's junk hit the toilet water. SUCKS!

Why do they put holes in crackers?

How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?Or Edward Scissorhands? How do they pee? YEE-OUCH!!!!

Why do they say things are on sale and not, reduced sale price. Isn't everything you can buy "On Sale"? Just different prices?

Statuses

is brushing up on Spanish.... Boner Retardes (Nachos) and Hasta Mi Vagina. I think that's right.

Uh Oh! That wasn't a Marlboro!

thinks someone dumped viagra in the water softner because our water has been hard for days!

Mary Catherine Gallagher everyone! Oh I mean Mary had a little... doh! that's not it either. Merry Birfday Jebus? Yeah that'll do, that'll do.

Looks like I picked the wrong year to quit sniffing glue!

Ghost Humpers? Invisible porn? Oh Ghost Hunters! My bad.

To resolve the Toilet seat issue, girls need to simply learn to pee standing up. Besides everyone knows girls don't poop anyway... so leave the toilet seat up!

Hey old man winter! F@#$ You!

is playing air Drums. Just goes to show I like to play with myself. I MEAN BY MYSELF!!!

Why are the numbers on a calculator and a keyboard reversed? I thought I accidentally smoked my breakfast again! Cheese and Rice!

Why do people point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is dude, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? I'm gonna start doing that I think. "Where me do pee pee?" …I usually grope myself in public as a solute to Michael Jackson... someone has to beat the crap out of their meat. This is just pointing. And not others pointing and laughing for once!

Remember kids... DON'T DO DRUGS!....................without me.

Some say I are stupid. I says I'll never get chaseded by brain eating zombies. SCORE!!!

is a Fruitloop in a bowl of Cheerios. And he doesn't know if that's a good thing or not.

would like to buy you a nice hot cup of shut the f@$% up!

is looking like a fool with his genitals draggin on the ground. What? That isn't how it goes? MY BAD. Wish someone would have told me before I executed this.

Easy on the Eyes, Hard On The Heart. hahahahahahaha Hard On!

Looking back over the years that we've been friends, I can't help but wonder... What the hell was I thinking or drinking?

I feel great and I don't kiss bad either.

doesn't quite get the "If you love your this and that and if you care for blah blah" statuses. If you care about your Child (or whomever), tell them, do something nice for them, don't say it on FB... and if you want to help with cancer and stuff, get out there and donate yo!

Britches before hose. Seriously, I wear pants, not pantyhose.

You know what I always say... if you have nothing nice to say... sit by me.

If you & I woke up in jail together...using only FOUR words...what would you say to me? Copy and paste this in your status and see what funny things your friends say....(And if you make a comment, you gotta put this in your status. Fair is fair ;-)

thinks it wouldn't be any worse to be called retarded than mentally challenged. Don't they mean the same thing? Who determines what words are used to offend? Most slang is b.s. anyway. Call me whatcha like... cracker, honkey, white slice, white bread, whitey, doofus, etc etc. Even like shit, crap, poop... why is shit worse???? Same thing!

can tell you how to get, how to get to Sexwithme Street, how to get to Sexwithme Street.

is thinking on starting a new religion (or cult). It would be the called: "Hump Day of the Lord". But there would be many holidays that would allow humping on hump day and a reverse Lent that would require you to perform some form of humping on Wednesdays for several weeks out of the year. The slogan will be... nan...anananananannanana HUMP DAY!

What is all the whoot, woot, hoot shit people put on here? Are you secretely Owls at night? I'm going out tonight... Whoot Whoot! Gonna eat me some mice bitches.

Old Man Winter and Mother Nature need to get a divorce. When they get together, it is not a fun time!

If I'm a bitch, you're probably the reason.

this pie is going straight to my penis. Great, just what I need, a great big fat penis.

wishes he was one of the Mario Brothers right now. Then I could eat shrooms and collect coins all day long. That wood be fantrabulous!!!

Oh Friday, how I've missed thee, tiz almost time for a drink cuz I am so freakin thirsty. Weekends don't pay as well as weekdays but at least there's football.

is usually a smart ass, but I haven't been feeling well so I've just been an ass. I'm like a transformer. I shall be knownst as Optimus Douchebag.

is gonna party like a rockstar hit a bunch of strip bars, wake up naked in a hotel room - throw my T.V. out the window, smoke a bunch of endo, anything to help get me through... find a telephone pole to wrap around my car and PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR. - - - - - - ahhh hell, I'll probably just go to bed. ;)

is getting in shape. Unfortunately that shape is round... off to work out again. Still sore from the runs yesterday. Oh I mean my running yesterday. :O

is having testicle difficulties.

Always free delivery of my package!

we're only young once, so let's fuck it up right

is busier than an Amsterdam hooker on a f#$% for free Friday! But that's good! I think.

is making a list and checking it twice. You aren't on it.

can't wait for sausage fest.

might marry the guy with the massive face deformity from "Mask". I plan to just keep his face buried for years, if you know what I mean.

oh man, I think I just googled myself.

doesn't let friends hook up with gingers.

is living proof there's too much chlorine in the gene pool.

Man last nite was rough... I got home at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2.

My girlfriends boyfriend is a loser. Oh wait. OUCH

Yay, it's HUMP DAY! Oh and look it's Wednesday too!

was walking through the woods alone and a tree fell right in front of me! I didn't hear it.

is cooler than the cool side of the pillow, whom I will be visiting soon! Nighty night y'all!

thinks that most people are alive simply because I really don't want to end up in Federal Pound Me In The Ass Prison. Me thinks that they should call a prison that as a reminder. I mean Alcatraz was a cool name too, but not quite as influential.

is not drunk!!! I'm hungover, that means I was drunk yesterday.

totally pitched a tent this morning. In my sleep!!! Camping? What's camping?

was unaware that Saturday still had an 8:00 am! I am not impressed. I've had better.

wants to dry hump life because it is fabulous right now.

Freaky Friday y'all! By the by, what a misleading movie that was. No nudity or anything. What a waste.

is heading back outside to get more baked. I wish the sun was out today.

used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got him fired. Stupid blue kids.

thinks his hair is getting sucked down through his scull and coming out in other areas of his body. It's a MIRACLE! Or gross depending upon how you look at it.

took a chapter out of the Morning Wood Academy handbook this morning.

Nick nack, Patti wacked and gave my dog a boner.

is gonna get plowed tonight. Nope, not the prison kind this time, the booze kind.

my momma don't dance and Daddy don't Rock n' roll! I'm OK with that.

my other penis is a penis.

I might be growing old, but me thinks I ain't growing up!

is sick of Oprah Windbag, Tyra Skanks and definitely had my fill of Dr. Phil, but am way more bothered by T. Pain and Akon who seem to be in every f'cking song on the crapio these days. Where are the assassins when we need em?

needs a Donkey for his Farm Town so I ain't the only ass on the farm!

is in Heaven!!!! You know if it were run by Hitler.

is waiting for someone to send me a "WEED" plant for my lil green patch dammit. I got enough stupid lil girly named plants.

So we have Manic Monday, Too Long Tuesday, Hump Day, Thirsty Thursday, and... hmmm High Day Friday? That'll do pig, that'll do.

wants to swipe it in your butt.

Do you think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk?

must have been drunk when he said he'd stop drinking.

when the beer floweth like the mighty Mississippi, the headache striketh like a giant boulder.

is madder than a faggot w/ strep throat on valentine's day.

As happy as a pig in shit!

would like to think that Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley are having a dance off right about now. I bet they both get to be Chippendales this time.

How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?Or Edward Scissorhands? How do they pee? YEE-OUCH!!!!

is thinking about releasing a country Album, "I returned drunk from playing redneck horseshoes and hunting all day when I decided to kiss my sweetie with my fist after she ran my drunk, three legged dog over with her truck shortly after she got out of prison and burned down my momma's house."

ThiS N' ThAt

The Ram in my computer either became mentally challenged or it died from starvation cuz I never feed the damn thing.

U-G-L-Y You ain't got no alibi - you ugly - CLAP CLAP - you ugly! - Woooo Sorry to say it's true, it looks like you escaped from the zoo - you ugly - CLAP CLAP - you ugly!!!! I hate be blunt or rude but your plastic surgeon you should sue - you ugly - CLAP CLAP - you ugly!!!! - Woooo Don't be sad Don't be blue, Frank...enstein was ugly too! - You ugly, CLAP CLAP - yeah You Ugly - Woooo

Our family tree has a bunch of nuts. You idiot, inbreeders Trees don't fork!

Britches before hose. Seriously, I wear pants, not pantyhose.

I may not be undressing you with my yes, I might be Adding clothes.

When I was your age, we had to blow on the video games to make them work.

Why do cows have long faces? You would too if you got your teats pulled twice a day and only got laid once a year.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

If I were a transformer, I would be known as Optimus Procrasterbator.

Don't tell my boss I quit about two weeks ago. He doesn't know my name anyway.

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

Why does a squirrel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
'What the hell was I thinking?'

A blonde walked into a bar OUCH!

stoopid garage sales never have garages for sale?

CO-ED NAKED TOGA YOGA!

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

Monday is French for kick groin repeatedly.

JOB APPLICATION: Position Applying For: Doggy Style; Name: Jack Meoff; Date: Sure, a movie sounds good; Sex: Yes Please!; Address: No I usually wear pants; D.O.B.: Down on bottom is fine

Meat is murder! And it tastes great too!

She stole my heart and I gave her a diamond. She clubbed me with a spade.

It's not the high cost of living, it's the cost of living high!

Alcohol: have you prayed to the porcelain god today?

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

What doesn't kill me, I will try again.

When traffic is backed up on the freeway (every day) everyone is breaking the law because it says a minimum of 40mph! Criminals everywhere!!!!!!!!!

Apartments should be called togetherments.

Park & Ride... very misleading

Cows aren't racist cuz it doesn't matter if you're black & white!

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

Britney Spears me in the eardrums with her shitty music.

I'm all over that like:
a. Oprah on a ham.
b. Stink on shit
c. White on rice

Busier than:
a. a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest
b. a mosquito in a nudist colony

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

Quotes & Sayings

Merry Christmas, Shitters Full! - National Lampoons

He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're in the can, he'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan, oh you better not breathe you better not move, you're better off dead I'm telling you dude, Santa Claus is gunning you down! - Futurama

Easy on the Eyes, Hard On The Heart. hahahahahahaha Hard On!

No my pants just got shorter because I hated the idea.

The angle of my dangle is equivelant to the heat of my meat.

Gonna party like a rockstar hit a bunch of strip bars, wake up naked in a hotel room - throw my T.V. out the window, smoke a bunch of endo, anything to help get me through... find a telephone pole to wrap around my car and PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR. - - - - - - ahhh hell, I'll probably just go to bed. ;)

Boobs on the etch-a-sketch always come out square! - Family Guy

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Emerson. Emerson who? Emerson nice tits bitch!

Liter is french for give me some fucking cola!

Team RAMROD, I wrote it on the paper!

What would you do if you had a million dollars? Two chicks at the same time.

We're going streaking.

I need a vacation almost as much as Hitlers Dad needed to learn to pull out.

I am not drunk!!! I'm hungover, that means I was drunk yesterday.

Love is just like porn, minus all the stuff that makes porn cool.

Are the inventors of the rape whistle hoping to decline the rate of rape or increase it. Because if it declines, so will their sales!!!

Coke and pepsi - penises and vagina's... despite the differences your mom thinks they taste the same.

Has a sketer on his peter, wack it off.

George Lopezes comedy only furthers the stereotype that Geprge Lopez is actually funny.

I must have been drunk when he said he'd stop drinking.

"She has three brain cells and two of them are fighting."

Madder than a faggot w/ strep throat on valentine's day!

Pickup Lines

Easy on the Eyes, Hard On The Heart. hahahahahahaha Hard On!

I would like to buy you a nice hot cup of shut the f@$% up!

I feel great and I don't kiss bad either.

Take me drunk, I'm home.

Milk does a body good, but damn how much did you drink?

Always free delivery of my package!

Let's make like a fabric softener and snuggle.

Baby, you are everything I never knew I always wanted

You've got something on your back! (what?) Angel wings!

You've got something on your head. (what?) A halo.

I'm going to fuck myself until I'm unconscious. Want to help?

If you won't fuck me, can I fuck you?

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

My face is leaving in 15 minutes...be on it!

Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?

Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.

The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.

Your face or MINE!?

Let's go get liquored up and rape each other.

If I ever get raped, I hope it's by you!

My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?

Full frontal massage.

You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

Nice fucking weather. Want to?

You remind me of a blue ribbon bass. I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.

Can you lick your nipples? [No.] Can I?

If you won't fuck me, can I fuck you?

Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?

Even vegetarians like my meat!

The way you act makes me think you have a little Dick in you. What? You Don't? Would you like one?

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

Bad Girl, Now go to my room!

Hey, how you doin? I can see myself in my pants. Yeeeeaaahhh baby!

I feel great and I don't kiss bad either!

If you were a drug… I'd smoke ya!

Funny One-Liners and Short Jokes.

Favorites

Originals

Wise Words

Classics

Filthy

Good Question?

Statuses

ThiS N' ThAt

Quotes & Sayings

Pickup Lines